Early Intensity

At any given time, I'm usually dating 3 or 4 different women.  Sometimes the number will climb due to luck or a lot of free time, and when I get really busy the number drops, but in general I'm seeing a lot of people.

All of this started when I came to a simple realization-- I can be pretty high maintenance.  When just starting off seeing someone, I tend to want to talk to or see them almost every day.  Early on, when you're just getting to know someone, this can be really overwhelming.  As a lower bound, I've found that once a week is plenty to keep a relationship going.  My solution was to date more women, so I still was active socially without being overwhelming with any one person.

As I've learned more about people, I've seen a pretty distinct pattern-- the people who try to contact me or spend time with me nearly every day tend to be of the same type.  They're interested in having any relationship rather than a relationship with me.  They're often very dependent, and usually get overly involved a lot more quickly than I do.

I very often see my old self in these people, coming on way too strong and enjoying the moment rather than the person.  I'd had a problem especially with very attractive women-- obviously, in retrospect there was a fair amount of objectification going on rather than a genuine interest in them.

A common solution to this problem is to fake casualness.  You can act like you don't care, or stop yourself from calling when you want to.  You can act aloof or indifferent when around them.  Some even go so far as to be caustic when dealing with a new interest, in order to seem more desirable.  While these methods may work occasionally, they're still dishonest, and likely won't lead anywhere positive.

Rather than faking a lower intensity, be less intense.  Find other things to do with your extra time.  Date around if you like (it works well for me).  I'm all for falling madly in love and obsessing over someone, but make sure it's the person you've come to know rather than an idea you're projecting on them.  People will pick up on that, and liking someone for the wrong reasons is a good way to get them to stop dating you.