Taboo Date Topics

Had a first date with a woman I'd met in a parking lot.  I'll go more into depth about dealing with first dates and where I tend to meet people later.  For now, I'd like to talk about how it ended.

It was a fine date.  Nothing great.  In retrospect, she did a couple things that bothered me-- showing up late, focusing way too much on herself... but she was plenty nice enough to warrant a second date.  Until about two hours into it, I brought up politics.

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It's common knowledge you don't talk about politics, religion, or ex-girlfriends on the first date.  I nearly always get into all three.  Exes can be tough, and it's one you definitely need to feel out (and make sure not to get into in-depth). 

On a first date, I usually know next to nothing about someone.  Perhaps its a chance encounter I turned into a date (like last night).  Perhaps it's a friend setting me up, where I got the 5-minute bio about my date and she got the same about me.  The best case it's a long-time friend or acquaintance, and you know the basics and have a feel for who they are.  In any case, you're trying to figure out if this is a person that fits you well enough to warrant additional dates.

I find politics, religion, and exes to be fantastic ways to find this out quickly. 

I lean heavily toward one side politically.  I've never required that people I date lean the same way, but if you have any opinions at all I expect you to be able to support them.  There are of course stances you could take that put you on the fast track to dismissal.  Usually what I'll get out of a political discussion is how aware of the world the person is, how reasoned a thinker they are, and how much they're willing to bullshit when they don't know something.

As for religion, compatibility of religious views are always important.  In a city like Atlanta, you've basically got 8 or 10 different socioeconomic and cultural "cities" all on top of each other.  I'm sure it's like this in other places, too.  How strongly you value church, how often you go, or how strongly you disbelieve in church is a really quick way to identify which of these cities you're a resident of.  I'm all for dating between cities when necessary, but knowing I'm doing so is pretty valuable.

Finally, talk of exes is fantastic for finding out what people are like in relationships.  No one will tell you, "I have really bad judgement in men and can be difficult to deal with" but I've heard over and over how the ex-boyfriend was a multiple-felon who lives with his parents and stole cars for drug money, and after three years she realized he was a jerk.  Or one of my favorite stories, how a guy left on a fishing trip over their 5-month anniversary and had the nerve to ask her to feed his dogs, so she wrote him a break-up letter on his wall in marker.  I must admit, it didn't sound quite as crazy when she told it, but it was still our last date.

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So last night we had a reasonably good evening at a bar.  After a couple hours and a few beers, politics and religion came up.  We both kind of blurted out terribly incompatible stances on things.  It took a half a moment of silence, then we agreed we'd probably be terrible dating.  So we finished our beers, chatted about other things, and she told me to call her just to hang out some time.  She couldn't think of any friends she could set me up, nor I her.  I'm sure I'll invite her out with a group some time-- as I said, she was cool enough, just not compatible with me.